If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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