He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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