Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
