I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
