He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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