im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
