real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
