I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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