Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
