bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
