I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
