You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
