oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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