So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
