I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
COCAINE IS GR8
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
