I wish I could punch you in the face.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
