If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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