Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
