How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
