the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
