Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
