i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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