hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
