I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
