The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
