I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
