Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so much tequila, so little girl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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