Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
