There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
