I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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