I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
