I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
