he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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