you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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