Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize