I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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