I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
