just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
