News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need to align my fucking chakras
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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