worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
