Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
