saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
