Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
where am i from again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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