They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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