How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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