your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
