I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
