So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it was like his penis was on wheels.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
