Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
