I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had to cum in my sink.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
