sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
