I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
