I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
