if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
