i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
