I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
