I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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