i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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