loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
