my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
