i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
