home. puking in laundry basket.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
