so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
