With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
