i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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