Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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