Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
