i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do vagina's smell?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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