I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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