Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
