Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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