I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
