we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
