Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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