his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
