I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
