I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
