I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
