So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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