Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
