put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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