Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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