Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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