All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize