A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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