i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
