Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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