I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
