i think i have herpe
just one?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
