Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
