I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize