Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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