My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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