my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize