I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
