i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
