don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
