I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
