I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
