theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
