I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
