Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if you like me you must not know who I am
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
