I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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