She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
