in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
