community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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