The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
