He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
