We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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