I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
