at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize